Hi BB!
So tomorrow you're eleven weeks old in my womb. At eleven weeks they say you're the size of a fig and you'll start to grow rapidly. All your parts are there and you're moving around. I sometimes think I can feel you.
We're inseparable and it worries me sometimes because I wonder if you can feel when mommy is sad or scared. Right now, our puppy is in bed with me. Our dog's name is Oswin. And Oswin likes to curl up and sleep on mama's belly... next to you. I'm sure she loves you already just as I do. You're going to love her. She's amazing, really. She is always there watching over mom. She even sits outside the bathroom door when I'm getting sick. (Mom gets sick a lot) It's not your fault though, I blame science.
Carrying you around hasn't been easy, kiddo but you're my baby and as far as you've come, you're already a biological miracle and for that? I'm so proud. I can't wait to hold you, see you and learn from you. I can't wait to hear you laugh and teach you about the world.
Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough to carry you and it breaks me, I never expected pregnancy to be so uncomfortable and frightening but when I saw you dancing on the ultrasound, I was relieved to know that as terrible as I felt? I still had you, you are alive and well.
I won't dance around facts and say you weren't a surprise but sometimes the best things in life aren't planned. Your daddy and I had been dating only twenty days when I saw the little faded line. I had a suspicion I was when I had my tattoos touched up that day. It hurt too much and it made me a weird kind of sick I had never felt. I knew I was pregnant before I took the test... and well, that's when you made yourself known!
Mommy sleeps a lot while you're inside growing, (there are so many changes happening and growing little humans is exhausting) mommy is still nauseous every day and sometimes? Mommy holds her tummy and cries. Mommy really misses Germany and mommy really misses her dad... (Grandpa Conklin) I think about you a lot and even though mommy gets sad often, I sometimes cry because I don't want you to be sad or alone ever and I always want you to know that I'll always be there for you and I will always love you and take care of you as best as I can. Even though, I'm terrified... I want you to know that it doesn't make me less excited to meet you. It's ok to be afraid sometimes. It allows us to be brave.
Lately, I've been saying outloud: Its just us, kiddo and we're going to be ok.
Growing is tough business but I know we can do it.
Until next time... I write or next time I put my hand on my belly and send you telepathic messages or even speak out to you, know this... you are thought of and very much loved already.
Love... Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment