I had a dream

A few years back (before my dad had a heart attack) that I was running away from something and had to find my dad. I think the world was ending but I didn't have my car... I had a truck but it had no wheels or an engine and I was pulling it by chains. I think I had escaped prison and I just beat up a lady I had smashed her face into the wall and gouged out her eyes.

After that, I was in a castle and I walked up to a large mirror. I heard a baby crying but I couldn't see anybody in the room... there was nothing but a mirror so I looked into it and I saw myself and the crying had stopped. I was holding a baby, it looked so familiar to me when it all the sudden hit me... the baby I was holding looked exactly like me. I was soothing the infant form of me and I was smiling.

The next thing I knew... I was running down a hallway in the castle, wearing nothing but a labcoat, a heavy labcoat that slowed down my running. Snape met me at the dead end. He demanded I turn out my pockets and I was suddenly afraid. Something wasn't right. I shook my head and he pointed a wand at me. 'Empty them.' he repeated. I put my hands in my labcoat and to my horror, my hands met something gushy and wet... it felt like organs and I looked down to see that my labcoat was dripping and soaked with blood. Confused I closed my eyes and vanished.

I opened my eyes to find myself on a grassy cliff. I had another baby in my arms. It was black and ashen, almost a stone... it looked as if it was sleeping. I was alone but these people started to come up the hill with blank signs and they were yelling, 'Killer Her!' 'Murd Her!' It made no sense. I clutched the baby tighter and they began to throw rocks at me. I could only back up until my heels were over the edge. Then it hit me. As I started to bleed. 'Killer.' 'Murder!' The signs started to have words and the people were furious. I didn't want them to hit the ash baby so I folded on the ground and let them bury me with their stones. I didn't cry.

Then I woke. My eyes were leaking and my heart was beating fast.

I don't recall my dream last night, except he was there... and somebody else and the rest I forget. I just woke up with really sharp pains and incredible sadness when I realized how early in the morning it was. My pills didn't work as long. I broke down last night and exceeded my 25 mgs. All I wanted to do was sleep. But the pain kept kicking me awake. Something strange is happening, familiar but with a new sadness to it... a numbing buzz that comes in waves. I just wanted things to be normal and I have been excited about everything and NOT being bummed  out but sometimes, your mana is drained and it takes a while to get your HoTs back up. A little res sickness, maybe. That's all.

I am at Angie's house with a heating pad on my back and belly. I can't walk without feeling dizzy and I have been crying on and off and my back and abdomen feel terrible. My eyes are leaky, leaky. and I love being hunched over in the bathroom bawling and having my friend come in and checking on me. She encourages me to take pain killers but I refuse. If you don't feel it, what can you possibly learn?

I was super excited for

The weekend. Jacob's party and then Ben's and before that I was going to meet up with Diana... but I kind of bailed out on everybody and didnt even bother to tell them.

These past two nights I have just curled up on my bed and go from angry to sad. I can't talk about it. I want to stay in bed for some time. I can't eat, think... I have been locking myself in my room and stifling cries. My heart feels like it will burst.

I feel ROFL awful. :'(

I am super nauseous, pale and still running a fever. Today was super busy. I got puked on and my clothes are covered with boogers that aren't my own. However, I was still able to pull my weight and make my clingy kiddos happy.

I woke up a lot throughout the night, despite going to bed at 9. I keep waking up to pee, which pisses me off.

I was also too lazy to go to the gym. Bummer. Maybe I will be in bed by 7 today. I won't call out unless I end up puking or get another migraine. I can't even talk without stuttering today. Fuuuuu! >.<

Also? Dani read Murakami and hated it. He's the first one I have heard that kind of review from. He's totally fired. :p Jk

I am all about

Waking up at 5am going to work for eleven hours, going to the gym on my lunch break, feeling like death with super high fevers, getting home by 7ish and getting ready for bed.

Jacob and I took the bahn together and he tried to get me to go to the Auld Rogue but socializing isn't a priority for me. I normally wouldnt work being this sick but we're all sick so what's new?

I am happy that I forced myself to go to the gym. I felt much better afterward but also like a fat and lazy asshole. Alright, this fat and lazy asshole is showering and going to bed.

Super Sleep Town.

Greetings from a very sleepy Bree. I guess I don't even need the 25mgs to sleep my body is keeping me exhausted just fine. Perhaps I am getting ill.

I was asleep before 11pm and managed to wake up around 830 shivering and absolutely drenched from head to toe in my own sweat. Gross! I got up, dressed, ate breakfast and passed out again for a mere 30 minutes.

Exciting news? Nope. I got a new winter jacket. Its awesome and sooo warm. So I tested it out with an epic walk in the woods for about an hour and a half. I washed my sweat soaked bedsheets and visited Angie in the city. I forgot how allergic I am to cats. I feel like death. I am super sneezy on the sbahn and can not wait to crawl into my bed and read until I pass out.

I also talked to Rüdi briefly and we were surprisingly civil to each other. Can we be friends despite our tumultuous past? We shall see. I won't invest but it is a little bit of a pity when you share your life with somebody for two years and it ends with hostility and resentment.

Oh my Gods. Sneezing is so annoying but it feels so dang good when your sinuses are at war with each other. Fireworks of phlegm. Super. >.<