I had a dream

A few years back (before my dad had a heart attack) that I was running away from something and had to find my dad. I think the world was ending but I didn't have my car... I had a truck but it had no wheels or an engine and I was pulling it by chains. I think I had escaped prison and I just beat up a lady I had smashed her face into the wall and gouged out her eyes.

After that, I was in a castle and I walked up to a large mirror. I heard a baby crying but I couldn't see anybody in the room... there was nothing but a mirror so I looked into it and I saw myself and the crying had stopped. I was holding a baby, it looked so familiar to me when it all the sudden hit me... the baby I was holding looked exactly like me. I was soothing the infant form of me and I was smiling.

The next thing I knew... I was running down a hallway in the castle, wearing nothing but a labcoat, a heavy labcoat that slowed down my running. Snape met me at the dead end. He demanded I turn out my pockets and I was suddenly afraid. Something wasn't right. I shook my head and he pointed a wand at me. 'Empty them.' he repeated. I put my hands in my labcoat and to my horror, my hands met something gushy and wet... it felt like organs and I looked down to see that my labcoat was dripping and soaked with blood. Confused I closed my eyes and vanished.

I opened my eyes to find myself on a grassy cliff. I had another baby in my arms. It was black and ashen, almost a stone... it looked as if it was sleeping. I was alone but these people started to come up the hill with blank signs and they were yelling, 'Killer Her!' 'Murd Her!' It made no sense. I clutched the baby tighter and they began to throw rocks at me. I could only back up until my heels were over the edge. Then it hit me. As I started to bleed. 'Killer.' 'Murder!' The signs started to have words and the people were furious. I didn't want them to hit the ash baby so I folded on the ground and let them bury me with their stones. I didn't cry.

Then I woke. My eyes were leaking and my heart was beating fast.

I don't recall my dream last night, except he was there... and somebody else and the rest I forget. I just woke up with really sharp pains and incredible sadness when I realized how early in the morning it was. My pills didn't work as long. I broke down last night and exceeded my 25 mgs. All I wanted to do was sleep. But the pain kept kicking me awake. Something strange is happening, familiar but with a new sadness to it... a numbing buzz that comes in waves. I just wanted things to be normal and I have been excited about everything and NOT being bummed  out but sometimes, your mana is drained and it takes a while to get your HoTs back up. A little res sickness, maybe. That's all.

I am at Angie's house with a heating pad on my back and belly. I can't walk without feeling dizzy and I have been crying on and off and my back and abdomen feel terrible. My eyes are leaky, leaky. and I love being hunched over in the bathroom bawling and having my friend come in and checking on me. She encourages me to take pain killers but I refuse. If you don't feel it, what can you possibly learn?