We are facing incredibly difficult circumstances and it hurts me so immensely that you are also suffering as a result. Your resilience is something that I am amazed by. Mommy is always proud of you and I love, love, love that I have been blessed with such a great child.
Arya, you are so smart, kind and are empathetic. You're walking all over the place. You love being outside and you're a wonderful helper! You are an explorer, music lover and lately you love listening to Grimes.
We went to your second Free Comic book day. When mommy got home, the house was empty and quiet... I was very sad. The silence was excruciating and you wanted to sleep. I changed your poop, fed you... gave you warm juice and cried because I realized 1. I had no money and 2. You had no milk. My only means of getting you anywhere was with gas money grandma left in the car.
I cry when you're asleep but you seem happier lately and you're not hitting yourself or others. You're also not eating much but mommy isn't either.
You miss your daddy and your daddy misses you.
Mommy misses being happy and feeling well. Mommy always whispers that "I am so sorry."
I only want you to know that mommy being sick isn't your fault nor does it make me love you less... ever. I will always love you and do my best to give you what is best for you.
I sometimes, often times, think I don't deserve you or anybody. But that is just my brain and what not feeling well does to some. I want to be my best so you can have the best.
I love you, baby and I am so lucky you're my kid.
