The tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder. Yesterday, I finalized my moving situation with Oswin. Also, I met up with the doctor for a follow up.

I'm crazy emotional though so when the lady told me I had a small vaginal inlet. I cried and childishly retorted with, 'YOU have a small vaginal inlet.' She decided to put me on antidepressants. 

Baby is big and to my relief? Doing well. He was lounging on my right side.... butt in the air. HB healthy and boy, bb is getting big!

I fell asleep reading comics last night. Tylenol pm for my toof. Its been unbearable lately.'

I picked up some more comics today and my friend Jackie and I talked with Wendy, Jason and Joe for a while.

Loooong walk today with Jackie. Pooped. Finishing up tv shows and then sleep town.

Weird dreams.

I'll dream about Rob but he's always going somewhere and I will be in a quiet house. I dreamed we were in a cabin and he got mad at me for what I was ordering so he left and his dad came in and sat at the table saying nothing. It was weird.

The next thing I dreamed of is I had my baby sleeping in the bedroom,  I just nursed him to sleep but had to get ready for work. So I was pumping in the dark and somebody took the bottles from my hand, smiled and said... 'We got this.' It wasn't Rob.

The last dream I had is I was in a broken house and somebody tried to break in. Rob started freaking out and hiding. He threw a sheet over me but I could hear the bad guys getting closer and it didn't make sense to stay there so I snuck out the window alone and he stayed in the house. I tried to get him out but he wouldn't move. He said he was scared. I left the house crying.

Well hospitals have certainly become

My second home. Today I could barely breathe and felt like my lungs were being crushed. I wasn't panicky but I kept waking up feeling my heart fluttering like boom BOOM... bump.... bump... b..ump.

I also had an awful headache. I woke up at 3am to Oswin barking and some people jiggling my door. I was pissed. I opened my door cursing and two drunk girls and a guy were there. They were in the wrong building. I went to bed with my flutter heart, cursing and feeling like shit.

It didn't let up in the morning and I tried to eat crackers but got sick. I blacked out a lot and felt like I was having a heart attack.

I called my neighbor and was rushed to the ER. Where I was hooked up to ekg and of course, bags of fluids and a zofran drip. I have a heart murmur, pleurisy low bp and ketones from dehydration and starvation, oh and low bp. I need to take it really easy.

I tried to eat all day but I just cant. I force myself a few bites and give up.

Nicholas came over and walked Oz this evening. Now she and I are in bed and she's watching me carefully. She smelled me all over after hospital and gently rested her face on my belly. She won't leave my side. My sweet girl.