So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.
For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have a rest.
Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.
— Lord Byron
My grandma died in the late of August last month and I haven't been able to sit and write... I have been able to sit and overcome in my grief cry about it but for some reason it is just too painful to write about. Writing is giving in sometimes... and I am stubborn in my ways.
I saw that my friend Kristen wrote a blog about dreaming of her grandma. I guess that's what sparked my interest in writing about the dream I had about mine... as if my brain would be resolute if only for a moment.
As an explanation, I should say that my aunt had been living with my grandma for the past few years and after I moved out that one summer and Carly, my cousin moved out... it had just been my aunt constantly. I dreamed about my aunt in a run down beach house on stilts. It was night time... and as I looked out the window there were vampires levitating around the house. At first, I was fearful but then a phone on the wall rang. My aunt answered it and there were people saying kind things about my grandma... in the end... I could hear my grandma's voice singing. It was a song I didn't know... and it wasn't in tune... in truth it sounded terrible but it was comforting. Afterward, the familiar voice of my grandma came and she said, "I was never a good singer in my 20s but eventually, I got it." I'm not entirely sure of the meaning of this but I'm sure it was some sort of message to me. Lately, I feel like I'm not doing my best and I'm weak, sick and sad lately... but maybe it was my grandma telling me that your 20s are hard... and it's normal to feel like this. My grandma told my aunt Shari after she had her baby, "It doesn't get any easier. You just have to do it." As for the vampires and the beach house. Well, I don't know what that meant but it could be the distractions in my life lately.
I'm still reading as a means of keeping myself collected and as calm as I can be. Rude Dawg has been incredibly patient but I think my patience is wearing thin when it comes to things that are beyond my control. My month was a blur... and I can hardly recollect on the specifics except that I was with family, I got to see my best friend... my boyfriend held me until I was fast asleep the day before I came to the states. I work a lot... I'm tired a lot... and I've been ill. We went to the Oktoberfest and I didn't like it... but we had a great weekend at the Wasen. Blah blah. My head hurts. I just started immune therapy today so I feel kind of sick. Will write more later.
