So sleepy today...

Yesterday I got up early to meet a friend for coffee. We found a good area to walk my dog and walked and talked for an hour. She had been pregnant before and it was nice to talk about feelings and strange body changes. Its surreal feeling your uterus expand. I also feel little flutterings where the baby is and I think my body is playing tricks on me.

I got to see the ultrasound of my best friend's baby. Beautiful.  Its nuts to think that after how crazy our lives have been, all the ups and downs, the daydreaming... we are going to be mom's at 30 and although I have been more ill... we are still transitioning and growing our children, so I'm not really alone.

Arianna and I made lentils and had planned on red velvet cupcakes... (we snacked a lot in between) but by the time the soup was halfway through? We both needed naps. She told me when she was pregnant she always told her husband she hated him and said even worse things and wanted to flee because when you're pregnant,  you're crazy.... that's just it.  Its like werewolf season on steroids and trying to stop a transformation mid full moon, you don't want to hurt people.... you want to hide. Transforming hurts... it breaks you,  its excruciating. That's why I have always liked and identified with werewolves. I felt more human. That other people got it. Her husband came out and said its gonna suck but it will be ok. I had fun playing with her little girl. She even rubbed my belly and said 'hi baby' after we told her that I had a baby in my tummy too. It was sweet.

I went home, made sandwiches and talked to my best friends. Michelle called and I sobbed off and on while she helped me look for apartments and told me I wasn't to blame. She was pregnant too and remembers how rough and mean pregnant women can be. She offered to let Oswin and I move in with her for a bit so I wouldn't feel so alone.

My neighbors Nicholas and Rachel have offered to help me move and pack. A lot of people have offered their trucks or to help out with Oswin which is super nice.

Two friends came over at 1130 and cheered me up as well. So I'm very tired... my phone is constantly ringing and I just want to life like the Billy Joel song Vienna.

Make the best of a situation and leave it alone.