I haven't allowed myself...

to cry for days and I'm not allowing myself to do it now. There is a weird tension in the face, it's the strangest sensation and a constant pressing on the chest. You almost feel like you're going to pass out from the pain... but you swallow it down but then it never really goes away, does it? We'll see what happens. I want it to get back to the numb phase. Physical heart hurts are no fun.