Health and Books.

I've kind of been ridiculously sick since New Years Eve, or the day before... I'm not quite sure I have spent 90% of my days in bed in my bedroom and I'm still managing to get smaller. I weigh 132 lbs. The last time I weighed that much, I was shaking and crying at Alex's house screaming at him because he made so much delicious food. (LOL?) I don't know. My head gets things messed up sometimes. For example. I was folding my clothes the other day and they looked so tiny to me... but when I look in the mirror, I don't look tiny to myself... but everybody else comments on how tiny I am. It's very strange to see the world through a different pair of eyes... one day, Bree... one day.

It's snowing outside, I'm eating chocolate and listening to metal. I go through these obsessive phases far too often, the constant phase cycles: Kung Fu, Zombies, Comics, Video Games, blah blah. Not that they are phases but the extent in which I will obsess about them can get a little out of hand. I always take things a little out of hand. Especially when it comes to taking pills and what not. (I've always been like this.) I'm told this is what messes me up, that I do things in excessive... I've always lived by the Lay's rule: "Betcha can't eat just one."

For Christmas, I celebrated the morning with my mom and dad. My dad is in Guam at the moment getting his divorce finalized. My mom will spend two weeks in England and then she's moving to Colorado to live with her sister. She kind of made the Christmas a little too melodramatic for me... "please forget that I am your mama, don't forget me." Her gifts included trinkets, glasses and various alcohol items. It was kind of as if to say, I'm leaving... please enjoy getting fucked up. I have never received booze as a gift, not that I'm aware of... until now.

My ex boyfriend told me that he started seeing a therapist. He also fled town because he couldn't be around me for the new year because it would remind him of all the good times and that he misses his beautiful little girl. Ha ha, little... I've always been bigger than him. But even when we hugged at Christmas he said I felt so tiny in his arms. I like to feel tiny. I think I have felt big and awkward my whole life.

Here is my book list: (To do)

A Dance with Dragons- George R.R. Martin (about halfway through)
Preacher volumes 2+ (comic book)
Transmet TPBS (comic book)
Dogwood TBS (comic book)
Walking Dead TPB 14 and 15 (comic book)
IQ84-Haruki Murakami
Thirst for Love (again)-Mishima
The Deed of Paksenarrion- Elizabeth Moon
Silverthorn- Raymond E. Feist
The Empire Series, (Servant, Daughter, Mistress)-Feist
Magician: Apprentice/Master- Feist
Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World-Murakami (I know! I haven't read this one yet! Sue me!)
What is the What-Eggars (I read it halfway and then cried a lot, so I stopped... that was last year.)
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues- Robbins (Jake's recommendation)

There is so much I want to talk about... but my fingers stick and my mind says "no". So I'll just go smoke.