So, nothing out of the ordinary or anything but I went to another doctor today. I just want to take medication that is useful for me. In the last 6 months, I have taken adderall, mitrazipane, citalopram, quetiapiane, clonazapam, some other name that I don't remember and my newest one is abilify. It's supposed to control BPD. He also recommended I start seeing a therapist at least once a week. My therapist's name is Dr. Rammstein. But seriously, how many medications are we going to go through this year? I'm tired... I just want to feel good.
I found things a little unsettling when he looked at me very seriously and said, "There is something I want to warn you about, you may or may not know this but I'll tell you all the same. There is going to be a time where you love your therapist, once you get comfortable with him you're going to think he's the greatest thing in the world but as you get deeper into your therapy, there will be times when you hate him... you'll think he's a piece of shit and you're not going to want to see him anymore. I'm sure you've had relationships like this before with lovers and so on, haven't you?" Puzzled I just kind of looked at him, then down at my feet and nodded. He said, "That's ok, Bree. This is all part of your behavior. This is called 'splitting'. You will feel this way but I am going to reassure you that it's not you, it's your disorder and I can't encourage you enough, that you must proceed." What is this DBM for IRL seeing a shrink? It made sense but it also made me feel pretty bad.
I guess the good news is? I'm finally going to have a medium to help me control my Borderline Personality Disorder. It'll be a way where I can keep my wolf on a chain. I'm looking forward to a new way of coping. He said it's all about coping. He said BPD usually starts when something traumatic happens in your childhood and you stop growth and phase out of the problem like we do when we're kids. He said it's fine for kids... but not ok for adults. He said, "do you ever find yourself struggling to get close to partners in relationships? Most of the time is spent pushing them away... and when you think that they will go, you cower and pull them back... it's a terrible game of tug of war." This was one of the main problems with me and Ruedi. I think I broke up with him every other weekend, not very cool at all.
Enough about me being a psycho...
I finally finished Until the End of the World... loved it except... I really hate the bestiality aspects of it all. I can handle weird dudes throwing sex parties and eating poop but I can't abide chicken fucking or.. or... killing dogs and mounting their heads to fences. That and anything having to do with little kids being hurt. That was my only complaint.
Also, my attention span isn't enough for Dance with Dragons lately. I accidentally peeped ahead in the chapters and saw there was one called "The Blind Girl" and that alone made me cry.
What else is new? I worked on Friday... fo free... helping Michelle sell boots and I actually helped her sell quite a few. I should totally sell shoes to stupid women. I'm good at it.
Oooh, oooh. I also got a new mount in wow! Jordan got it for me. It's amazing! AMAZING, I SAY!
http://static.wowhead.com/uploads/screenshots/normal/232251.jpg
No comments:
Post a Comment