because I'm rather uncanny and unpredictable and that's just the way I've always been and how my brain works. I can't work the typical monotonous job. I always want to do something different and spectacular at the same time.
But at the same time, I've become so predictable in the sense that I've always returned... and when I do, I'm always miserable for the first few months. This year was a little different because instead of basing my years on semi permanence I wanted it to be a year of traveling and what I thought to be, self exploration. I did envision at one point, that I'd permanently reside in NY... but when I was there, and how it's always been with my past moves, it felt that the timing was all wrong.
When I was in Idaho, I very well could have stayed there and tried to make a living but I think I was so miserable in my relationship, being ill, and missing my friends that I just had to come back.
I've been at home, in Omaha for the past few months trying to pick up the pieces and really decide what is best for me and my family. My mom and dad separated, my dad moved to Germany and I decided to go back to school. Yet today, I find myself reconsidering the whole thing because of a job that I just got offered.
Do you remember when you were little and had to sit indian style at assemblies? There were all sorts of assemblies, fire safety, spirit week, and the person that would talk to your school with crates full of holes? Particularly, think about the person with the crates... they'd talk about wildlife conservation and then they'd pull out a boa constrictor and four or five lucky kids would get to touch the snake, and they'd after the snake was put back they'd talk about the other animals... then you'd see a raccoon or squirrel monkey. I just got offered a job to be one of those people. The people that put animals on display and talked about them. I'd travel from January to May state to state in a mini van and do school shows, all expenses for travel paid. The only downside is I'd basically be living in hotels... but that is hardly a downside to me.
The real question is, is it worth putting school off for a little bit longer? I really, really, could use the money right now... and the experience would be ideal since I want to work with animals and conservation. I just don't know if cancelling my school loans would allow me future eligibility, which worries me... because I have to finish school, it's just not an option. But this job! It seems like such an adventure.
Kind of like last year when I got that job offering in South Africa... but didn't take it because I was afraid of the country and how their economy could have compromised my safety. I still wonder how it would be... if I took it, and what I'd be doing now.
But I don't know if my issue always has and always will be timing.... or if I'm just using that as a scapegoat for something else.
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