last night, with a little shadow following me around. I'd run away... and it was Bill. What the heck is this? Let's dream about the last two guys that I was involved with week? It must be the fevers.
All I know, is I don't wish how I'm feeling on anybody... to feel like you're being repeatedly stabbed in your stomach and dry heaving because you're in so much pain.
the thing that always worries me about MD's is they aren't specifically paying attention to the individual needs of the patient. They expect them to all fall into these categories. This, this is the reason why I will always always seek out naturopaths... because they do muscles tests and they try to solve your problems with diet and herbs. Now, I understand the importance of MD's when it's beyond the reach of nature... in situations where it's life threatening, like if it's somebodies heart or if they have cancer. It just bothers me that it seems that all their motivations will always be backed by dollar signs... where is the empathy? Has the economy robbed our care takers of their passion?
I went to the doctor the other day, and because of my symptoms and because of the time that this problem has effected me, I thought he'd be a little bit more thorough, you know to be safe? He talked to me for a long time about California... and when it finally came to the point of him examining me... the examination took less than two minutes... he basically put his hand on my stomach and said. "You're full of stool." Hello, I already knew this... this is the reason why I had come and sought out help to begin with. Hi, I'm always vomiting! Heeeey, want to kill myself because I can't take this pain. He basically threw out the term Chronic Idiopathic Constipation and put me on these "expensive" medications that were supposed to stimulate my intestines. No blood tests... no further questions, he sent me on my way.
I had a job interview later that day in West Omaha... and was nauseous the entire time. I ended up having a huuuuuge panic attack and drove over to Tom's house. Thank God, he was home. I sipped tea and hung out with him for a few hours... and went home... and the pain was so intense that I was dry heaving and crying. I took the medicine he told me to take and woke up the next day gasping for air and feeling like I had the flu.
He said the medicine was supposed to work instantly... after three doses, no relief... dry heaving spells and me curling into a ball screaming and crying, I decided not to take the medicine. My mom called the hospital and another doctor told them to rush me to the emergency room. Well, that made me cry even more because I can't even fathom how much that would cost... and maybe it's just stupid constipation but the vomiting and the pain is starting to dictate the way I live my life, almost to a point where I'm afraid to put food in my stomach because I don't know how long it will stay in there or if it's going to come out by me vomiting... and that's caused me much terror because I always end up wrecking my spine... and I've broken my ribs and have been through points where I can't turn my neck from vomiting.
I decided to wait... and by some miracle of God... I'm starting to get a little bit better I think... but maybe I'm delusional.
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