my skin is pasty, my eyes are sunken in... relatively lifeless and it is almost painful to look into a mirror. I'm getting smaller by the days except for my stomach is distended... and I wonder if my muscles will go into atrophy from all the time I've been spending in my bed lately. My hair is wirey and frizzy and I have bruises everywhere. I'm hideous.
I almost like it though... because I know, when I'm better... all my colors will return, my stomach will go back to being flat and my hair will shine and I can start being happy for all the good news that is to come.
I just got over 6 grand to go to school this year, which isn't a lot but I haven't been to school in nearly four years because I just had to see what else what out there. I had to travel and experience what I did or else I figured one day I'd wake up and wish I had lived a little more. I lived in Maryland, Hawaii, Los Angeles, Idaho and New York... what did you do when you were 22 to 25? I should be filled with a lot of regret... but I think I'm young enough to fix things... and before it gets too late, I am... but it sucks because I'm trying to fix it all at once.
I wrote a really, really long reflection on what I've been up to the past few years and how living in NY over the summer changed my perspective on life completely... but I don't like the way it's written... because I'm sick and incoherent. So I'll post it when I'm ready.
It almost has to be told in chapters...
No comments:
Post a Comment