An Open Letter to my BFF

Hi little one,

I'm sorry mama hasn't been writing you letters so often. I've been trying to adjust to new life and make sure you're transitioning smoothly to your new chapter in life.

First of all. I am so proud of you for being so strong and adaptable to your environment. You're amazing and incredible and you learn so much every day.

Let's talk about last Monday, the 17th of August. THIS WAS YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! We woke up early, put you in your favourite cat dress and we took you on a bus to Spellman. You sat right down, grabbed a dinosaur and sat next to a cute little blonde girl. You didn't even care when we waved and walked out the door. Mom and dad cried. I missed you. Selfishly, I missed waking up with you happy and snuggling with me and I want you to know that I have been lucky and blessed to have spent those 18 months being your mama, your protector and your friend. It's been some of the hardest times of my life but also the most monumental and rewarding.  Coming to the realization I need to trust others and allow others to teach you about the world is kind of hard for me. Even with your tantrums, to me, you're perfect and I want you to stay small and sweet forever. I want you to always reach out for our hands.

But mommy going to school is for us both. I want to prove that I can crawl from the bottom of the barrel and that if ever, and hopefully this never happens to you but you can to. I also want to be a good example and to gain some financial independence and a stable career in helping people. You're like mom already in the fact that you're empathetic and want to help people. I imagine you'll be in some sort of nurturing field but you're not even two.

Your teachers love you and I am happy with the way they communicate with mama. Mommy talks a lot when she's nervous and unsure about almost anything... so I might be even typing too much. You have been crying every day because you miss mom and dad but you're getting better. Your teachers say you're really sweet and participate with your new friends.

There is so much going on in mommy's world these past few months that I know we've had our fair share of bad days where mommy hurts and is not as happy. Thank you for being patient and forgiving, thanks for never letting that get to you. I just never imagined I could go back to school and/or work because of the obstacles we continue to face. I'm learning to work through my pain because I want to look at life differently and I don't ever want you to think that you can't do anything.

I love you, sweet girl.