Where I can't decipher whether or not my depression stems from being ill or if my illnesses compromises my happiness.
I'll start off with the good news. I got accepted into College of St. Mary for the programs Mothers Living and Learning and was surprised to hear that upon admission, I was awarded an academic scholarship. I returned to the USA to finish school so that I could knock it out and get my green card in Germany and live there until I died. Getting pregnant unexpectedly changed this and all the sudden I became chronically ill.
Yesterday was probably the worst flare up in my fibro history. I felt like my bones were made of glass and I was shattering and the glass was piercing my flesh all over. I went to the doctor and got an injection of toradol 60mgs in my right hip and in my left 60mgs of methylprednisolone. The pain in my low back didn't go away but it eased up. My neck and upper body still remain.
I'm frustrated that even with the boost of synthroid at a higher dose I am still at 4.9 and feel absolutely worse. My skin is dry, I'm tired, I stutter... I lose track of what I'm doing or saying. I'm cold. I can't eat but I also can't lose weight and my hair falls out in clumps. Yet, "your levels are normal." I have excruciatingly painful menses twice a month. I'm grumpy... feel like death. Yet this is normal to you? Sometimes I want to sleep and not wake up.
Arya is taking potty training on like a champ but that's even exhausting. She's chatty and incredibly talented.
I just wish I had the energy to enjoy being a mom much more so I'm not constantly feeling guilty.
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