My grandma died of cancer, she drifted away in her own bed as she fell asleep for the last time next to my father.
Two years ago today, I had a breakdown on the s-bahn and sobbed in German to some old ladies that handed me tissues and asked me what was wrong. 'Mein Gott. Mein Gott.' they kept repeating while resting their hands on my shoulders.
A year ago today, I was pregnant and fell asleep with my puppy every night. I'm not sure if I knew I was having a girl or boy.
Today... a few minutes ago actually. I held my swaddled six month old baby girl and thought of how happy she made me... and how happy I'd be if I was even half the woman my grandmother was. I brushed her hair until she fell asleep. I kissed her and put her in her crib.
Afterwards, I looked up at the sky and wondered about my beautiful grandmother. I wondered if she could see or hear me if she'd be proud of who I've become... what kind of mother I am. If she would know how much she's influenced my life, how much I truly miss her and how much I wish she could see my child... how it pains me my daughter will never know first hand how amazing Dawna Lee Conklin was.
Love you, grandma!
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