I'm trying to write every day...

So here are my thoughts at the moment.

I'm seriously contemplating on coming back to America. One of the huge reasons for this is my feelings of isolation here in Germany. As you know, with a split with your significant other, inevitably your friends split as well. If that doesn't make me feel isolated enough... I'm constantly facing what I feel to be conspiring repercussions from my work place. It doesn't matter how hard I try or how efficiently I do my work, it is constantly going unnoticed. That or I'm "doing too much". That in itself could drive a person mad. If it weren't for my students being so awesome, I would have thrown in the towel a while ago.

One of my saving graces for the country was my hope to settle down and start a life with my boyfriend. Since this is no longer possible... I have to wonder... what's really tying me down to this place? Other than love for the cleanliness and beauty of living in Europe. If it isn't stimulating any sort of growth somehow, I find my motivation to be stagnating. I haven't heard back from the jobs that I submitted my CV too and I don't know what else I can do.

I think about the people I surround myself with and look to for comfort and other than Michelle? I'm constantly let down. In the end it boils down to loneliness, which is selfish and stupid but it's hard when you have no set plans on the weekend, or when you do, you cancel because motives are in question and there are times when I think... I'm too far away and don't want to ride an hour to the city to get a coffee. I think I'll start applying for jobs in the states.

I can only really blame me for losing myself and losing sight of things that were of the utmost importance.