From a story I'm writing...

but it is true because this is what I do when I'm in the forest.

"She made her way into the forest and a wave of clarity washed about her. Very seldom did she see anybody in the forests and that made her happy. In the forest Bree liked to think her loudest, in the forest Bree liked to pretend her hardest and she loved to sing, loved to sway her hips back and forth and she loved to dance."

There is nothing new to report really. I'm trying to write more. Trying and doing are two different things though. I got incredibly excited for walking in the snow yesterday. I sucked in all the air around me... squeed and turned up my music really loud. I got lost, I love to get lost.

My birthday was a success and I loved that so many people showed up. I spent the night alone. Well, I spent it at Ruedi's house but he went to bed drunk and I sat on the couch reading and trying to wrap my mind around all the things in the world that didn't make sense. I was obliterated and it didn't matter. I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to mix my "nini" pills with alcohol... so I slept maybe an hour or so.

The other day, my friend Thommi took me to a comic shop. All was right in the world, for about 20 minutes and then I had to go back to my house and take on things on my to do list that I can't quite finish. My mind is crazy lately... I can't finish anything and I feel so weak.

Michelle has been exceptionally great. I help her out in her shop because she knows that my hours are too often filled with nothingness. So we hang out and draw on moustaches and talk, talk, talk. She's silly and smart. I love it.

I told Ruedi that I didn't care about him at all the other day... I listened to the tears in his eyes and the silence that was louder than anything I've ever heard in my life. It wasn't true... I know it wasn't... but all the same I ended it with, "I'm sorry." and "good-bye."