I'm realizing that every time I used

to write...

it was always about the things that I wanted to do with my life or things that I stood back and observed through uncanny lessons. I wrote in on napkins in New York city, notebooks in Chicago, hiked up my skirt and wrote on my legs during traffic hours.... in the margins I'd leave some sardonic comment about the hypocrites that were giving speeches at my university.

And here I am now, nearly 27, with my years folded up in envelopes and memories sprinkled across the United States... frozen through old updates, emails... and post cards that I intended on sending out but never did. I save nearly every text conversation I've had throughout 2010. It's fun to visit... even though sometimes I want to wring my own neck. But I'll never delete them because I always want to be reminded of where I came from or what I've been through.

It's peculiar to me now, however... for the first time, in forever, I feel like I'm ready to take that next step. For years, I've talked about running away to Europe, or some strange city to get my life back on track... and as fate would have it, for whatever reason, I'm finally here. No adderall, some baggage that's sort of trailed with me... but nothing, really that is too big to handle and I'm finally making decent money, with a job that I like and know that I'm good at. So what's the next step? What am I supposed to write about?

I used to write about the angst and confusion I'd feel about commitment, and how I thought this was BS... because of some book, I read... or because things didn't go the way I had planned it to be. I always walked around with my fists clenched... I was always, always mad about something... devastated by another... stoic about this... blah, blah, blah. But I think as you get older... none of it really matters.

Now it seems, that the only things that are really troublesome for me, is the amount of split ends that I have... the cold weather... and the fact that my stomach has been feeling funny for the past few months.

I made a list of things that really needed to be handled... and really, the only things I could find that were of the utmost importance was.

Long Term:

1. Getting healthier
2. Paying off my bills (which is easy to do with my job)
3. Getting back into school
4. Finding my own place
5. Living here forever.

Short Term:

1. Haircut
2. New Jeans and glasses... also? Hummus.
3. Reading more
4. Sending out those post cards
5. Hitting 85 on my druid
6. Catching up on comics

I guess when you make lists... and look back at your youth and old ways of thinking, it's funny... and you realize that all the things you used to trouble yourself with, or might find yourself still struggling with wither...

I'm terribly happy with mostly everything in my life right now. I'm dating this incredible guy... who in patient, caring, smart... and German <3. He speaks, English, German, and French. He graduated from University and works as an IT for Daimler. We watch movies, we cook good food, we go on walks... we dance, we joke, my dad absolutely adores him and... it's perfect right now. Maybe it won't always be... but I'm not trying to predict the future as much as I used to.

and perhaps it's made me painfully boring and predictable... but none of that really matters.